Lack of warmth is always worse than cold

I rarely sit down and write when i am in a funk because usually when i read it later, I will dislike to the point of hating whatever I wrote. I am not a very emotional person and I do not say this as a badge of merit. I am sure it is just a scar from long ago that gets in thew way sometimes. It is the holiday season and I used to be a amped around this time of year but that is not the case anymore. I enjoy what it means for my kids but the anxiety and memories are to much for me sometimes. I will find my way through, I know I will as I always do. I compiled all of this once before in a journal, I titled, "Look to December". The journal started with one meaning and by the time I stopped writing in it, it had a far less warm and loving meaning. I know we can't change the past and if we let ourselves become locked there, we are no better off than a prisoner in a real jail, because you can't enjoy life. I have done much better in the last year but sometimes it is like some sort of post traumatic stress flash back and you feel everything just as if it were happening today instead of years ago. Enough of this, as I said, I will find my way through and God will be there to help me.

Video Blog to Start Soon I Hope...

I am about to start messing with my YouTube channel some more. I have left it untouched for some years and I have lately been inspired to play around with it some more. Charlotte especially wants to do vlogs. I was going to start some months back when I was making my way back to Kentucky to visit my mom and go to my high school reunion but once I got there and got a video of my mom and three things happened.

1. My mom was mortified that I had caught her on video without her wig. She was embarrassed that someone would see her like that.
2. I was so shocked at how frail and sick she looked that I felt bad for catching her on video unprepared.
3. I put the video camera up and didn't touch it for the rest of the trip, thus ending the vlog I was going to start.

I may dig the footage out and make use of it or I may just let it rot. My mom is doing better by the way. The doctor told her that all the current masses seemed to be handled but with small cell lung cancer that is not a bill of clean health yet. She is putting on weight and feeling much stronger so those are blessings.

Getting Ready for Wintergeddon....

I am currently being a lazy ass and not on my game work out wise by a long shot. I am not eating crazy but I am not being very disciplined in regards to working out on schedule and making it intense like I should. I need to kick myself in the ass and get back on the pony. I am still a world better health wise than I was this time last year. I only have one month to go before we do WINTERGEDDON with the Zombie Squad. It is winter camping with hiking, and survival practice. I have about three key pieces of equipment left to obtain and I will be fully ready. I want it to be really cold even though it will suck for that weekend, it will make it mean more when it's over.

I hope you all have a nice holiday season.

Merry Christmas
and
(insert other holiday that you celebrate here)